On the Ides of March, there was a book launch party for The Beach Poems. I started the day fearful that it would be an embarrassment, that so few people would come that the bookstore would lose money and the kind staff who supported this event would never want me to show my face there again. This is what the mind does – spiral and spiral until we are cringing at our own unworthiness.
Fortunately, I was blessed to have an incredibly supportive core of women, part of the CWC-N board who assured me not only that they would be there (they put on the book launch party and made the entire thing a piece of cake, so that I could sweep in and not lift a finger), but that no matter who showed up, they were looking forward to an afternoon of sharing time together, listening to my poems and celebrating our love of all things literary.
Why is caregiving the loneliest journey? It occurred to me after posting the umpteenth photo from my trip to Florida why I feel the need to share my joy over and over again. I forget that some of my current friends didn’t know me when my mother had Alzheimer’s. So, I’ll share a little backstory about my caregiving journey.
I was in my early 30s when Mom first showed signs of the disease. It felt like my legs were cut out from under me. I had no clue how to handle a mother who was slowly spiraling into confusion. Add to that the fact that I had a series of miscarriages at the same time. These things made me question everything in my life.
After packing and saying our goodbyes to Jean and Vicki, Gilda and I drove south towards Alligator Alley. I was excited to be driving across Florida and to get a view of the everglades. My father, a civil engineer for the Army, had worked throughout South Florida on various projects before I was born. The names of towns were familiar to me because I had grown up listening to him talk about them.
While I felt as if I were home and had hopes of catching a glimpse of an alligator, Gilda’s husband Stu had warned her not to get out of the car because he’d been warned there were large snakes in the area. Gilda wasn’t sure what to do when I pulled over and asked her to take a photo of me by the water. Read the rest of this entry »